Years ago before I was aware of pick-up artists, seduction techniques, and even a underground seduction community, I thought to be successful with women I needed to:

• Treat them very politely: always open doors for them, always buy the drinks and meals, buy flowers, give up your seat for them, etc.
• Always be on time for dates – in fact be early and wait for them.
• Give them your undivided time and patience.
• Don’t let them know you are interested in a sexual way – it will happen it just takes time.
• Only date one woman at a time, and if that doesn’t work out, then, and only then, start looking for another woman.
• etc.

I was a ‘nice’ guy, and guess how successful I was with women? I was an abysmal failure!

None of this being sickly ‘nice’ works! Women like adventure, in the same way men do: they will shag in parks, cemeteries, on trains, in cars, etc. They love being teased, and going emotional roll-a-coaters…

Men tired of being labeled the friend but never the boyfriend can turn to the “seduction community” for help.

A pretty blonde passes by the group of single guys, but they ignore her as she stops to pour milk in her Styrofoam coffee cup.

The dozen men, in their 20s and 30s, are huddled at tables at the back of the St. Laurent Blvd. Cafe. Their attention is directed at the flamboyant 6-foot-5-inch “uber-trainer” from Toronto.

It’s a Friday night in July, and each of the men has paid to spend three days following Mystery (Aka: Erik von Markovik), an illusionist by profession who’s reputed to be one of Canada’s authorities on attracting women.

Mystery is well known in what is loosely called the “seduction community” — an international group of mostly guys who exchange views and dating advice online. Think of it as an interactive “how-to” guide, a male version of women’s dating books or magazines that vaunt “20 ways to get a man.”

Beyond the garish online ads boasting “how to pick up strippers,” the online forums off a place where contrasting seduction methods are debated, using jargon like “AFC” — for average frustrated chump — and “MLTRs” (multiple long-term relationships).

One popular place for these exchanges is an online mailing list of 3,000 run by a Montrealer.

Montreal is also the first Canadian city to follow London, San Francisco and other major cities in setting up clandestine “lairs”, where guys discuss these topics in person. Lairs are invitation-only house meetings that also provide a support network for the men who attend them.

Because of social criticism attached to the notion of “picking up” women and paying for advice on how to meet them, the community remains furtive.

His students have different uses for their skills. Some want a serious girlfriend, while others want to go out with several women simultaneously.

What they usually share is the experience of being hurt romantically — either by a former girlfriend or by a chronic failure to find a girlfriend.

One man, Jack, a Montrealer in his 30s, said he had no problem talking to a woman — only the usual topic of conversation was her problems. For years, he was the “therapist” but never the boyfriend.

That’s when Jack fell into a depression and began doing research online.

He read about Mystery and other experts and joined the Montreal lair, where their ideas debated: “It was amazing to have all these brains focusing on one problem.”

For Mystery, the problem can be rectified through better social skills. Source: http://www.mysterymethod.com/Article.aspx?aid=9

So, am I Mr Nice-Guy now? Yes, sort of! I’m pleasant and respectful of women, but now I’m confident, assertive, and playful with women – which is what they want! Women don’t want overly nice, needy, indecisive, boring men! They want men who are confident, a little cheeky, who can be forward when they need to, who can say no and mean no, who lead the way especially in the bed-room.

This is why the Mystery Method is so effective. It dispels many myths about women and provides simple techniques and tactics that can be used to improve a guy’s chances of successfully meeting and attracting women.

It’s not just about one-night stands or ‘cheating’! It’s about developing ‘women skills’, which most men don’t have!

You ask, “Would you like to kiss me?

If she says yes, kiss her.

If she says, “Maybe,” ”Why?”, “What do you mean” or “I donno” it means she does, but is shy about it. Reply with a gleam in your eye, “Let’s find out…” *kiss*

Remember to caress the back of her neck to show you mean business.

If she says no, you reply, “Well I didn’t say you could, it just looked like you had something on your mind.” (Don’t ask “Why not?”This shows low self-esteem.)
If she says, “not yet” or “not here” it means she is open to it but there is a logistical issue. Perhaps her friends are nearby, or she needs more gaming first. Say, “I understand,” and continue gaming her.

Does it seem as if most of these lines involve asking her for permission in order to kiss her? Is that wimpy? They are just considerations. We’ve found that just going for the kiss without indicating your intentions can sometimes lead to embarrassment — more than her saying just saying no.

When she says no, that is much easier to save face from than the situation where you try to kiss her and she moves away.

That having been said, feel free to field-test every possible kiss move that you can think of. Just go right in for the kiss without saying a word. If she turns her head, use your hand to turn it back and kiss her anyway. Test it out a hundred times. Be enthusiastically willing to brainstorm and experiment.

If you want to increase your chances of seducing a woman, reveal something vulnerable about yourself.

When people share vulnerabilities with each other, it demonstrates (and creates) an emotional connection between them. It’s one of those tilings that, if done too soon, will come off like you are trying too hard to gain rapport with her — a DLV. So don’t be Captain Sensitive when you first meet her. But used at the right time, sharing vulnerabilities is a powerful comfort builder.

Did she tell you something personal about herself? Did she tell you a secret? The Question Game is very useful for this sort of sharing. It’s also possible to structure stones to make the reveal of vulnerability appear to be accidental.

Some examples of field-tested vulnerability stories:

So much unattractive behavior comes from a desire to avoid vulnerability. The secret is to embrace your vulnerability and still be unaffected. It’s ok to be wrong. It’s ok to laugh at yourself sometimes. Think about it: if you’re sensitive about her seeing that you’re wrong, then it obviously matters to you what she thinks. But I thought you were unaffected? So the next time you tell the story of when you fought a lion with your bare hands, remember that it’s more attractive - and interesting — to admit you were scared shitless than it is to play Mister Tough Guy.

It’s a well-known fact women love to talk, and talk and talk. Here’s Mystery’s take on talking…

It’s vitally important to be talkative. It’s easy to say it but actually try it for a few months of practice. If you have so much to talk about, and you bombard her (or her set) with lots of fun and interesting conversation, showing humor, opinion, and passion, then you get to convey your personality.

The talkative person just gets laid way more often. The secret is to put yourself in a talkative mood. Have you ever been in oner Close your eyes for a moment and remember what it was like at the time. Looking back on all the girls Mystery has been with, he just talked their ears off. Then after he saw positive body language and other IOIs he would come out of the blue and say, “Would you like to kiss me?”
That’s it — he would just talk passionately about something.. .talk and talk. He wouldn’t talk about her. He wouldn’t ask questions. He wouldn’t really expect her to say anything. If she wants to join in, great, but otherwise, who cares? He does it all.’

There is another benefit to talking — it occupies the conscious mind. Imagine that you’re talking to your friend. You both get into his car, continuing your conversation, and he drives you to the beach. From your perspective, you were having this conversation; sights were flying by, and voila! You’re at the beach! It’s like magic — the conversation was the opiate

The pickup should be the same way. She is talking to you; everything feels so fun, comfortable and natural. The conversation continues to flow — voila! She’s having sex. Like magic! Her conscious mind should be constantly occupied by you.
Nothing ruins the mood like a long, quiet car ride back to the house.. .or a long quiet walk back to the car. Talking and keeping the flow is necessary to overcome logistical difficulties that inevitably will arise.

More conversational tips.

Picking-up women has nothing to do with reason, but everything to do with emotion. Focus on attracting women and not reasoning with women.

The venusian artist [pick-up artist] uses emotional stimulation instead of rational discourse. As long as it feels right, your romantic interest will invent her own reasons for what is happening. In other words, when you can give her the right feelings, her rationalization process starts to work in your favor instead of against it.

A woman knows how susceptible she can be when she is in an emotional state. Often her solution to this is to avoid becoming emotionally engaged in an interaction where she doesn’t feel trust or safety, or where the man gaming her doesn’t seem to have enough S and R value. When this happens she will seem non-responsive. Thus, if you can engage a woman on an emotional level, even if it’s a “bad”‘ emotion such as frustration or jealousy, this is much preferable to her remaining non-responsive.

Also, instead of only trying to give her “good” emotions or avoid “bad” emotions, stimulate her with a range of emotions such as curiosity, fascination, fear of loss, connection, indignation, validation and devalidation, humor, embarrassment, happiness, sadness, and so on. The more she is stimulated, the more compelling the experience will be for her. Chapter 5 describes various techniques for this.

These two – approach anxiety/fear and rejection – are the biggest hurdles that men who want to be successful with women must learn to overcome or deal with.

Logically, rejection causes us no harm. But emotionally, rejection can be a punishing experience. To understand this, we must look at the ancient environment for which we were designed.

In a tribal group, there will be some small number of available women of breeding age. When a man approaches one, he risks rejection, and if that happens, all the other women will know, which will diminish his value in their eyes — maybe to the point where none of the women will mate with him. This is called preselection — women look for social validation of their choices. A suitor who is preselected will be more attractive, whereas a man who has been rejected will be less so.
Another factor regarding approach anxiety is the possibility that she may already be taken, in which case there is a component of real, physical danger to any male who approaches her.

For all these reasons and more, men are naturally selected to experience approach anxiety. Logically, of course, modern society fixes these problems. If I am rejected, I can simply go to another part of the bar, or leave the bar entirely. I will probably never see any of those people again. But my emotions don’t know that. My emotions are trying to do what’s best for me.

So how can you avoid rejection? The answer is: you can’t. It isn’t the solution to avoid being vulnerable. Rather, the solution is to embrace your vulnerability, to embrace rejection, and let the Field show you what is good and what is bad. Most approach anxiety is a result of imagined rejections, not real ones. Eventually, time in the Field will desensitize you to the emotion of rejection. In a game where you might play five or ten sets every night, losing a few of them here and there never really seems like a big deal.

Realise, rejection is a normal part of life – it’s no big deal – people get rejected for all sorts of things: writers get manuscripts rejected, actors get rejected, rejection is a normal part of job interviews! It’s not rejection that matters, is the way you handle it!

Also, read this approach anxiety blog.

The excellent forum below provides a way for guys to exchange tips, techniques, and personal experiences with women.

Discuss cold reading, role playing, tricks, thumb wrestling, cocky and funny, neck and shoulder massage and any other routines you successfully use to up the attraction levels and get the juices flowing… For most guys, approaching girls and striking up conversations is the hardest part of pick-up. Share your techniques and tactics for overcoming approach anxiety here. Source: PUA Forum

Examples of role playing…

Playful role-plaving builds attraction. Just invent some crazy scenario in your head and describe it to her. Make sure it’s fun and playful, not heavy.

Mystery: ‘You know what I wanna do with you? … You and I are gonna go to Greece … and I’ll dress you up in a toga and we’ll sell hotdogs at the beach.”

Sometimes little bits of material like this are preferable to longer stories. Practice having normal conversations, but then peppering in little DHVs such as these. Not only is this useful as an attraction tool, but it’s also useful in the comfort phase, where it’s useful to create a feeling of shared conspiracy.

Style: ‘You know what I wanna do with you? I want us to go to the beach together … and you’ll wear a nun outfit and I’ll wear a priest outfit… and we’ll hold hands and make out in front of everybody.”

Negs have already been discussed. So here’s some examples of using different negs from Mystery’s ebook.

The first sort of neg is the shotgun neg, which is an innocuous statement that would only be uttered by a sincerely disinterested person. It’s an indicator of disinterest. Of course, it’s not that you dislike her; not at all. It’s just that you hadn’t considered her a potential romantic or sexual partner. This IOD diminishes her sexual power and disarms her peer group. The power of the shotgun neg is in its apparent sincerity. She’ll honestly believe that you aren’t trying to impress her. Then she wonders why…

The simplest example of this is pulling out a tissue and blowing your nose. She’ll sincerely believe that you aren’t trying to impress her; (otherwise you would never blow your nose in front of her.) It won’t even occur to her that it’s really just a ruse. Shotgun negs are useful for conveying a not-needy attitude — which is a demonstration of higher value. Thus in one stroke you indicate disinterest, disarm obstacles, and create attraction. “Nice nails, are they real?”

Contrast this with the tease neg. Teasing conveys a cocky, playful attitude. It’s not perceived as inadvertent, but rather as deliberate flirting (but done properly.) Examples of this are “pull my finger,” “You can dress her up, but you can’t take her anywhere,” ‘Don’t make me come down there,” etc.

When you call her a dork, your cocky, playful, fun attitude shows confidence, takes charge, and makes tilings fun. Teasing stimulates her emotions and is useful as a DHV during A2. She may non-respond (IOD) to this tactic if she is trying to freeze you out.

Another form of neg is the sniper neg. An example of this is hinting to her that she has a booger, eye crusties, a sweat}” palm, or that she just spit on you. The idea is to make her honestly believe that she has performed a demonstration of lower value (DLV). This makes her self-conscious and creates a situation where she is the one wondering whether or not you have a good impression of her.

Generally, inexperienced women can be seduced more easily and quicker than experienced women. However, experienced women potentially offer greater value in terms of depth and enjoyable, lasting relationships. So don’t rush experienced women into bed, otherwise you may find they won’t succumb to your game… and they’re gone!

In the game of chess, it is possible to win in only four moves. This gambit is called fool’s mate. Winning with speed via fool’s mate does not however make you a chess champion. If anything, it only demonstrates your opponent’s inexperience. An experienced chess player will not even attempt a fast fool’s mate for, if the opponent doesn’t take the bait, he leaves the player in a weak position. Similarly, while it is possible to seduce with speed, it is much less probable on a woman who is socially experienced. In the venusian arts, we refer to ’seduction first’ tactics as fool’s mate for its metaphorical similarity. Instead, both chess champions and venusian artists prefer to play a solid game.

Fool’s mate can work in some situations that may be acceptable to you, such as on drunk girls and those who have a propensity towards having one night stands. Just don’t let it be your only ”winning move.”

If it’s more than one-night stands you want, take your time and don’t try to seduce to quickly.